Teaching Kids entrepreneurship can instill responsibility, talent and creativity. In what can only be described as a sugar-coated insurgency against adult mediocrity, a squad of pint-sized profiteers took over the Kearney Community Market on June 21, armed with cookies, Mexican candy, and enough entrepreneurial spirit to make Jeff Bezos sweat.
Spearheading the rebellion was the Real Deal O’Neill Cookies cartel, a cunning trio of O’Neill siblings—Abbey (9), Finley (8), and Eryn (6)—who lured customers in with "five generations" of secret recipes and adorably weaponized smiles. The youngest O’Neill operative, Declan, remained in the parental observation zone, likely plotting market expansion into the sippy cup demographic.
“They destroyed the kitchen,” admitted their mother, Becka, still recovering from the flour-coated blitzkrieg. “We also gave them a loan,” she added, unaware she had just funded the very uprising that would eclipse adult baking efforts forever.
Meanwhile, rival vendors Kenly Whaley and MJ Rodriguez, both 11, offered Mexican candy and handmade accessories, essentially cornering the tween lifestyle market and proving that Etsy has officially been infiltrated by preteens. Industry insiders say Claire’s may not survive the fallout.
The dark horse of the event? George Kerns, 7, who sold out of homemade magic wands faster than Hogwarts admissions in a housing crisis. His booth also featured foam swords and fidget spinners, suggesting a marketing genius poised to dominate both wizarding and attention-deficit economies.
“I’m taking notes,” George muttered ominously, possibly foreshadowing the launch of KernsCorp by fall.
The Kearney Community Market, originally intended as a quaint local event, now finds itself under the control of ruthless under-12 CEOs, their tiny empires built on melted M&M cookies and sheer willpower.
The next Kids Market Days are July 19 and Aug. 23 — or as local adults now call them, Fiscal Judgement Days. Hide your wallets. The children have spreadsheets.
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